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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I Wanna Go Home

i feel so weak... i just wanna go home n not think about work.. ever since we finished our project n i've officially been in another unit, i keep forcing myself to like it and learn more.. but it seems like the more i force myself, the more distance i've become with it...  monday blues seems to happen everyday, n i'm finding it hard to find that one thing that'll make me at least enjoy what i'm doing a bit.. i just don't get it... i've been reading a lot for at least 3 days, but it's like reading something in a foreign language.. no matter how many times u re-read it, it still doesn't make sense... off course there are bits here and there that i do get, but it all doesn't seem to help me understand the whole picture.. it's just items without descriptions.. and maybe just like any other foreign language, i need a translator..

i could ask my boss about it, i noe she'll help explain a bit.. but when she say, read and get a brief understanding on it, only then it'll be easier for her to explain, i must at least understand things breifly right? i can't just go up to her without understanding anything at all.. well, i can, but what kind of impression will that leave her.. i'm trying my best to be independant n be good at what i do, but it doesn't seem to work out... i don't noe.. i'm starting to think that i'm not quite cut out for this.. if only i could find that something that i like... that something that'll make me look forward to do my job.. but at this moment, there's none..  it's like i already have this mental block in my head n i just need that one hole to star breaking it all down...

sigh.. not everyone can make their passion their job right... some will have to muddle through it all and take whatever life throws at them... consider me one of those ppl then....