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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Ramblings on Good vs Evil

It's a battle i've been struggling throughout my life, just as anyone else.. Normalcy.. what do we know about being normal? Just as much as what others are willing to share.. but what about things that you keep to yourself.. how would you know that what you're experiencing is normal? I wonder, have you ever had a thought bothering you so much, an option to choose from where you know one is the right choice but it's very hard to do (isn't all right things hard anyway) but have you had battles with yourself where you question your being? Where you doubt your own capability and worthiness? Two split roads, the right will bring you inner peace and happiness.. you know it's the right road to get where you want to be but in order to go through it, you need to fly.. the left road takes you to another kind of happiness, one that you are used to.. to get through it, just walk.. the battle of thought is not which road to choose but how do i fly.. and when you can't find your way to fly, walking is so tempting.. but then there's time where you know you won't be able to fly and you don't want to walk.. so rather then going left, you chose to stay where you are.. and when you stay, those two roads won't stop staring at you and calls your name.. and at a point, you just can't take it anymore and you want it to end.. you don't want to choose.. but you can't end it cause you're too afraid to.. ending yourself hovers through your mind but you can't bring yourself to do it cause the other side is scarier to you.. so what do you do? How do you cope with it? 

Ending the year has been tough for me.. i keep feeding the wrong wolf..


My version of flying was always to jump off a high building, so should i? 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

New Year Resolution.... Again...

It’s that time of the year again.. 2014 is ending and usually there’ll be a recap of the year’s highlight.. then there’s the new year resolution for 2015 that we probably might not keep up with.. aren’t we tired of it yet? So anyway, I thought I might as well just combine both in one post with a slight twist seeing how consistent I am on updating my blog hehehe

2014 Recap

Didn’t update much this year but there are a few things that should be highlighted.. first will off course be the family vacation we had this year, with an additional member to the family.. we went to the lovely New Zealand which pretty much took me ages to update (even as I write this draft, the motel reviews aren’t up yet).. if ever I have extra money to spare and already cover pretty much other countries on my ‘to go’ list, I wouldn’t mind going there again.. off course, having said this, I’ve only ever been to two other countries worth noting of so whether other places can top it off and catch my attention more, is still unknown..

Also, I think I’ve made some kind of progress with my health.. or a better way to put it, my workout routine.. I’m more aware of what needs to be done and hopefully I can be more discipline about it.. having a buddy working towards the same thing does helps a lot..

And finally good news, insya’Allah if all goes well, there’ll be another new member to the family next year and I’m super excited about it woohoo..


Speaking of next year, I’ve got a few things in mind for 2015.. Basically, it’ll be the year of experiment.. I want to test out a theory.. I’ve been reading a book call The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (courtesy of Shay’s recommendation) and thinking about how I can influence myself by creating habits that will eventually work towards accomplishing my new year resolutions.. I haven’t fully figure it out yet, so will have to work on a plan later.. quite an interesting read for a non-fiction book which isn’t really my cup of tea but somehow this one manages to catch my attention..

Basically the book talks about how researchers study habits.. how it is formed and what makes it stay.. why is it that out of all the people who makes ‘going to the gym’ as their new year resolution, only a handful of them are able to pull through and accomplish their goals.. why are some goals easier to accomplish compared to others.. it’s funny (not funny hahah) to think that there are people who study these things for a living.. but as I read through the book, it does makes you wonder about all those questions post by the researchers.. the book ends with a ‘framework’ provided by the author on how habit works and ways to shape or change them.. so I thought perhaps the start of a new year is a good excuse to test this out..

So what am I looking into? Basically, when we mention the word habit, what we have in mind is something we do repeatedly and automatically without putting much thought into it right? So this is what I want to try to accomplish next year.. embedding a routine into my daily life that will ultimately become a new habit.. for example, I want to be able to choose to eat healthy, or drink 3 litres of water a day, or keep my room clean as a habit.. I want it to be something that become accustomed to me without having to put too much thought into it and without having to constantly remind myself to do it..

How can I accomplish this? Well, the whole book revolves around a concept which is the loop system (repetition) and this ‘system’ comprises of 3 processes, the cue, routine and reward.. once a cue is given, we automatically conduct a routine in order to get the reward.. for example, you feel hungry so you go and find something to eat.. the cue here is the sense of hunger you feel, and after detecting the cue, your routine is to find something to eat (regardless whether it’s heavy or light).. after eating, you won’t be hungry anymore and that’s the reward.. seems simple right? Who would’ve thought that eating is a habit.. but it is or rather it make sense if you think about it from that perspective..

so as the ‘framework’ states, in order to shape or change your habit, you’ll need to, 1) identify the routine, 2) experiment with the reward, 3) isolate the cue, 4) have a plan.. identifying a routine means just that, identifying what habit you want to create, the task that is done repeatedly.. next, what sense of reward would you want to feel each time you complete a task? For example, do you eat (or munch) to fulfil your hunger or are you just bored and feel like doing something? Once you acknowledge the reward you want, find out what causes you to start a routine.. isolate the cue as it’ll be easier for you to start your routine.. sometimes cues happen subconsciously.. you might feel hungry or maybe your brain tells you that it’s dinner and you need to eat something.. or maybe you’re thinking about someone and you automatically open their facebook / blog / twitter / instagram to see what their up to (itu stalker namenye tau!!) once you’ve identify all 3 process, plan out the whole loop..

write it down.. to me, I would say this is the most important part.. writing things down does help you accomplish your goals.. it helps you visualise the whole process and also let you see the bigger picture.. for me, I would really want to start writing a journal.. hopefully, by really jotting down my plans and what I have accomplished, I’ll be able to tick off more items from my bucket list.. it’s tough but I’ll consider this as my first step towards achieving my new year resolution.. as what Shay would say about ‘Starting’, “sometimes this is the hardest part to get to”.. well that’s my plan for next year.. I’ll do my best to make more conscious decisions and if I ever do manage to hold up for a month or two, I’ll still consider that a victory.. remember, it doesn't matter if you fall off the bandwagon.. it doesn't matter if you missed out a day.. what matter most is that you get back up and start again.. so au revoir and i'll see you next year.. *hugs*