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Saturday, November 17, 2007

november 16, 2007

i bought my own guitar today


Tuesday, March 27, 2007


for the past 19 years or so, i've always been afraid of dying.. the thought of being lifeless juz haunts me.. last year, i lost 3 loved ones.. 2 uncles n an aunt.. but now,cum 2 think of it, i fear losing the people i luv more than dying itself.. i'm not religious so i can't really imagine whut i'll go thru 'on d other side'.. but the pain i felt wuz hard to bear.. tho i was never close to them, i still find myself missing them... whut about them i miss, i myself dun noe..

last friday, a kid wuz in an accident.. he passed away 2hrs later (it was 4am).. he happened to be my sis's fren.. i've only met him a couple of times.. tho i dun noe him personnally, his death touched me so deep.. he was an active student in skool n basically loved by all.. i didn't attend his funeral but according to my mum n sis, his house was packed with people paying their last respect.. this includes teachers and juniors from high skool.. they all lined up juz 2 get a last look at him.. i imagine that n say "i wanna live his life"

cuz when this happens at ur funeral, u'll noe u lived a wonderful life where all these people not only juz noe u, but also loved n care for u.. it's a funeral i'd dream of having, but i guess won't be happening.. whenever i get in d emotional zone, i'll think of all the possibilities bout the future.. i thought dat if i were to die today, there would actually only be 2 person dat i noe who would be there (minus my family) n if my spirit were to witness this funeral, how sad it would be.. it makes me wonder if my life actually was worth sumthing , or am i juz another human being wasting the oxigen in d air..

i once read an article which writes "u're considered lucky if u hav at least 5 true frens when u die".. but i could only think of 2..i guess i'm unlucky.. sure i hav other frens, but i dun think my death would effect them much.. matter fact, it might not even make any difference to them.. the worse part is, they dun even noe dat u're gone.. which this might be my case.. am i too bad of a person?? would anyone actually wept at my death.. does any1 even care?? cuz i doubt dat..

>izwan ikmal arif, i envy u<