My dearest friend,
i'm so proud of u =D i can't really imagine going through that myself.. i don't believe i'm that strong of a person.. i wish that we were close enough to go through this together cuz let's face it, knowing u from a younger age doesn't gurantee a tight bond (or so i learn).. so words i say could easily pass as being 'polite' =b but really, as u say it, we might not comprehend the extent of what u're going through, the way u're protraying it, and i also don't feel like my efforts of reaching out to you is enough to show how i do care (even the slightest bit)...
as we grow up, we tend to learn more from experience and mistakes we make.. we tend to realise things we didn't before.. we started as being young with great ambitions.. but as time goes by, with reality hitting us hard, we would narrow our scope.. and in the end, to me at least, our ambition is to just be happy with life, satisfy with doing the things we do, and just things we would generally want in life to come about..
i once heard that to learn things in life, look at the cliche'.. cuz as much as those words are always spoken, the truthfullness of them never fail.. things happen for a reason.. that could be your case.. taking the course u're taking might be one of those reason.. u learn things some does not.. and because of the things u learn, u were strong enough to seek help.. u may not fathom it completely, like u say, and neither do we, but it might, more or less, helped u to notice those red flags, to help u avoid doing the unthinkable.. and maybe even, going through this will help u in the future.. ur challanges today could be a reason for u to overcome another challange in the future.. n u'd think back to this day and go "wow, how could i ever overcome this if i hadn't gone through that".. hence another cliche', God has a plan for me (as i always here in Oprah).. and it's true.. God also won't make u go through things He knows u can't handle.. and that's not about being unfair, but about the strength He knows u have within..
having to say all of that, yes i do admit that i myself don't know much about what u're going through, n i could only presume and imagine myself being in ur shoe.. i don't have that feeling of understanding where u're coming from, but that doesn't mean i have zero empathy.. i've always believe in empathy as oppose to sympathy, in which these two are completely different.. but there's also a thin line separating them.. it'll be very hard to tell whether u're feeling sympathy for what someone is going through, or emapathy..in my case, i really do want to feel empathy for u.. i wanna feel ur pain, so i can truly say i understand what u're going through.. n only after having that understanding, will we be able to go through something together.. too many word repetition but i hope u get my point..
and coming back again to my earlier point, we may know each other long, but not well enough (especially with that gap of losing touch) but then again, sometimes u don't need to talk about ur problems to the closest people u know.. sometimes things are more easier to tell a stranger.. that's why we would go see some guy, lie down, n suddenly pour out our soul to them.. we don't always expect them to solve our rpoblem, but we hope it could help ease them a bit.. i just want u to knwo that i could be that person if u have nowhere else to go.. i'm just human, n we sometimes don't know what the right things to say at an awkward time.. but to me, there's two types of people.. those who come to u for advice, and those who wants an ear to hear or a shoulder to cry on.. if u need comforting words, i'll do my best to find ways to make things better.. i can't promise that i could make them go away, but i do hope that i could help.. but if u just want me to know what u're going through, i'll do my best to just understand..
bottomline, no one is alone.. u may think that we don't understand or comprehend the length of ur problem, but believe me, there is someone out there who does.. someone who might be going through the exact same thing u currently are.. u're words of enlightment on this matter have shed a light at some point, no matter from which angle u're looking it from.. i could only wish u're getting the support u needed and want.. the things u're going through now, might slip my mind every now and then, cuz we don't really talk everyday, or everyweek.. but please do not hessitate to 'knock on my door' no matter how random or awkward the situation.. my arms are always open for u.. we'll make the best out of it.. u're too great of a person not to =) i hope u get the happiness u deserve...
-Amethyst-
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