i just can't live like this

i dunnoe where to start... everything is so fucked up right now i just can't stop crying... i bet everyone knows by now how much my mum dislikes my frens.. but seriously, it can't possibly be to this extent.. i knew when i got the green light it was too good to be true n i noe how cliche' dat sounds.. i'm just tired of all this, honestly... i mean i'm gonna be 24 this yr n it's getting kinda old don't ya think? at first, there was a lotta things that i just wanted to pour out here, but i dun see the point of doing so.. i already cried my eyes out twice n i dun think it's appropriate to do so in the office so i'm trying to relax myself n take it easy for a few hours..

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but just to share this to u (i.e raf =b), here's basically whut happened.. as u noe, jue got engaged last year n i asked my parents (in particular, my mum) if i could go there over the weekend.. n as usual my mum was a bit hesitant about it n said i should go for her wedding instead... so the truth is that jue actually baught tix for a bunch of us (me, kin, ceah n wan) which cost her 60 (murah gler kn) n it was due on th 27th may till one week.. so this has been quite a routine (twice) now where tix are baught n figers are crossed in the hope of one day, i finally get to go there... i wouldn't be all offended n all if it was the first time this was to haapen.. unfortunately it wasn't... kin went to labuan while i was still studying, so i had to pass that trip.. den i was thinking dat maybe after i finish study, n taking a break from college in between phases, i might really get a chance to go.. but no... and that's one thing... whut made things worse was that my cousin invited me to join her to australia since i finished studying.. n having to live in this family for 23 yrs (then) i knew there was no chance of going... so i asked my dad, rather relunctantly if i could go.. n being it australia, plus me not working, equals to him forking out money so he said, xpyh la pegi.. so i took it as it is.. a no n it would be ok if it stopped there.. but no my lil sister had to open her mouth n say how australia was her place n how she was supposed to go there 3 yrs a go but canceled cuz her fren canceled which is actually the main reason why i went to labuan that year.. so she said, if i were to go, she have to come wif me.. n i told her, papa said no... but then being her, the baby of the family, my dad actually considered this (as if dat was enuff justification to it) n i was dumbfounded.. here i am, relaxing at home, taking my time to chill for a few months, denied the permission to go, n there's my sister being a brat n having classes (mind u) actually having the permission to go... n everytime i braught this up, she would say, well if it wasn't for me, inaz pn xgi.. true but ouch... i mean i dun usually suffer from middle child syndrome or whutever they call it, but u can't help but wonder why right? so that was on my dad's side (which doesn't really have to do with labuan), so when my dad was willing to pay n all, we had to asked my mum.. n we all pretty much sure know whut happen.. so, i was excited to go to australia n the only ppl i wanted to tell was off course my frens but i couldn't... i mean how does look like to u... if i can't even go on a 2hrs flight to labuan, why could i go on an 8hrs flight to australia.. exactly..

so dat's one case, then there was jue's engagement... i just started working at ME n it was the same thing... her reason was that i should go to her wedding instead.. it kinda sux but lets just say i kinda got used to it... so the tix jue baught was still available.. so i'm not sure when but sumhow some kids way back in elementary skool decided to have a reunion in may.. honestly, i dun really give a fuck about it cuz i gave up on ppl a long time a go (hence y i'm a loner).. but last month, as may was approaching, i thought i really wanna go this time.. so i was thinking bout telling my mum that i was going of on a vacation with some of my collegues... but after a few conversations with jue, we'd thought maybe i should tell her the truth n say i was going to the reunion instead.. so the actual reunion would be on the 31st i think ( who the hell chose that date??) but i'd told my mum it'll be on the 29th instead.. so i immediately bought a one way tix back on th 30th n hoped dat things will change for once.. so last sunday we were on our way to a cls when suddenly my mum asked how many child that maznah (a girl from high skool) has.. i said i didn't noe, den my sis mentioned dat her fren already got married.. which was her bff in labuan.. so i just braught up that there will be a reunion n my mum asked if i was going n i perli la"blh ke" den i dun noe whether my sis said "mcm best je gi" or my mum asked " izad nk gi ker"... i really dunnoe which came first but a straight no was already a slim hope for me..den one thing lead to another n both my sisters decided that they too wanna go to labuan!! yeay!! (sarcastic) at first, i was like "whut the hell just happened here?" but then if they were going, there's no way my mum would back out of her words right? well sorta.. so we bought tix last nite n it was confirmed that they are going.. so when my mum got back, n while i was watching football, i just told my mum that we're all going n she asked when.. n so i said, they're going on 28th, i'm going on 27th n she asked why r u guyz going on different days... so i said jue already bought me the tix (i had a whole story planned out to back this up) but she just kept quiet.. but i knew then that it wasn't over.. so i bbm-ed my cousin n he knew how worked up i'll get about this so i wasn't really feeling it so i creid a lil n went to bed... then this morning i got a test from my sister saying that my mum asked me to cancel jue's tix n go on the same flight with them plak... n like i said there's just so much i wanna say but it's tiring... so bottomline, i got my tix on 28th, n i'll be going with them then...eventually, this too shall pass i just dunnoe when..


Blueberry, Mawilla, ayam n air kelapa @ pohon batu, nasi lemak Delihan, abc special n nasi goreng kampung medan selera...... i hope u"re still there... n not forgetting, Jue