does music defines you?

sometimes, u can tell what kind of person an individual is by the songs they listen to.. i'm being a stereotype here when i say people who loves rock are usually rebel and live a rather wild life.. hip youngsters listen to r&b or maybe pop.. and lets not start about emo here.. usually, an image goes along with this.. rockers usually wear black, hip hoppers wear baggy clothes i guess, and those people with heavy eyeliners? take a guess.. so where does a universal person like me stand? i definitely love music and could accept almost all kinds of music.. i dun have an image to go with it cuz i hardly care about it.. so what does people see when they look at me? a girl who can't make up my mind? or am i so easily pleased?

i watch too much oprah

i think we need more self-respect..when u treat urself with more love and care, others will tend to do the same.. however, people don't always turn out the way we thought they would.. and so it may be crucial to get to know someone before letting them in.. but then, like one of my acquaintance once said "even after some time, how well will u noe someone".. and as much as i like to think that it'll take time, the truth speaks out by itself.. is there really a person who is willing to give their all to another? will they leave nothing left? not even a spot of privacy or secret that they like to keep to themselves, and forever cherish and burried together alongside their lifeless body? true, there may be people out there who are trusty enough to do so.. but is it worth it?

i, for one, always build a wall or even put on a mask whenever meeting people.. it's hard for me to really show people the kind of person i am, mainly because of the fear of being judge eventho i know people will still judge me otherwise..

so what is this all about? well, i think we should love ourselves more and dun expect much from others.. like what my cousin said during one of our 'deep talks', "don't depend on others n dun let others depend on u".. off course he was talking about general things, but i can't help but relate it to love too (trying not to get mushy here).. u can't really expect others to love u as much as u love urself.. or let them put u 1st ahead of themselves.. i mean, why should they rite? will u do the same? but mayb, if u let them noe, that u do matter, they will indirectly make u matter to them too.. and so supporting my previous note, that by treating urself better, others might do the same..

fingers crossed

starting the countdown

it's 8 am, and i'm already in college, excited that clses are now in session.. it's kinda weird to find myself anticipating this day, but i guess 2 months break was way too long for me.. it's good to go out and meet people again =b so here i am, in the comp lab so early in the morning.. cls will start at 10, so i'm having a 2 hrs head start on things.. will need to meet claudine later regarding my law subject which is no longer offered, so i need to ask her about emailing rowena to delete my minor, which i was looking forward to see on my certificate later on.. then i need to go to the bursary to get my money back.. too much hassle for the first day, but i guess i somewhat need it.. i went to bed around 1am last nite but was unable to sleep until 3am.. woke up at 6:30am this morning, which makes a total of 3hrs n 30mins of sleep.. i hope i won't have a nap afterwards since i'm hoping to sleep early tonight.. adjusting my sleeping hrs last week obviously didn't do the trick.. or mayb i wasn't that strict with myself.. hmm, i suppose that was it..

anyway, i'm very excited for cls to start.. it's kinda disturbing to think that nam yen and i are the only ppl from our intake left this sem.. i really do hope that we get through this sem n finally graduate.. at least there'll be familiar faces on our convocation.. so nuff said, fingers cross, n i'll be updating more soon enuff

cheers

i've learnt that...

the friends you make and the guys you attract, reflects what kind of person you are..

so who am i?

the thin line between good and bad

i wish i knew

###

it's been awhile since i last blabbered about pointless stuff.. truth is, i wasn't really sure how to put in words whut i was currently thinking.. on the other hand, i no longer feel like pouring my heart out in this blog.. mainly because it feels like my privacy has been invaded by trespassers.. but then they won't be trespassers if i didn't allow them rite? nevertheless, i should just ignore these mere distractions and start writing anyway.. =p

so my question for today, is what really makes a person good? is it the intentions the initially have? the actions they take? or the outcomes of it? do u judge a person religiously, or merely as a human being in general?

i've never killed anyone, so am i good? i lie almost everyday in my life, so am i bad? sometimes, the things i do made me question myself..

i've faced a couple of situation where something bad happened n i chose to let it be without really voicing my opinion or rather disagree n try to prevent it from happening.. whut does dat say about me really? ignorant, that's it..

Dear God

Is this what it takes to make me see,
Is this what it takes to make me believe,
Cause honestly I can't take it anymore,
It hurts me to see her crawled up on the floor,
To see her treated like a piece of meat,
To hear her cry after every beat,
I looked away as a hand raised in the air,
Followed by a scream so loud that i cannot bare,
Why did u create men so cruel,
And just watch them break every single rule,
Dear God I'm begging you, take him away,
Let us be happy even for just one day.

bored

the last two post somehow compliments each other..

Weeping Willow

Weeping willow with your tears running down,
Why do you always weep and frown,
Is it because he left you one day,
Is it because he could not stay,
On your branches he would swing,
Do you long for happiness that day would bring,
He found shelter in your shade,
You thought his laughter will not fade,
Weeping willow stop your tears,
There is something to calm your fears,
You think death has ripped you forever apart,
But i know he'll always be in your heart.


Vada Sultenfuss

suicide note

as i looked up to the sky, i see you looking down on me,
do you think this is a joke? cuz you're laughing at my tragedy,
you took the only friend i ever had,
you left me feeling depress and sad,
you took her far far away,
and now you expect me to pray,
right now i wonder if you really do care,
cuz you gave me this pain that i cannot bare,
sometimes i wonder if you really exist,
cuz i have this temptation that i cannot resist,
i want to end this and never look back,
i want to stop this cuz it's strength that i lack,
i locked myself in my room, thinking of ways,
for calmness and peace to finally stay,
i imagine cutting my wrist and blood pouring out,
that method is messy, that's what i've heard about,
i could hang myself eight feet from the ground,
that way would be clean and i won't make a sound,
but then i've always wanted to jump of a building,
it'll be great looking down and imagine myself flying,
either way i'll be reunited with my friend again,
for this girl is broken and i can never be mend.


08/10/07

a year ago

so we're in 2009 now and a year ago, i made a few resolutions.. did i keep up with 'em? hell no.. i didn't practise playing my guitar (i think i have zero hand coordination), i didn't excercise regularly (my hoola hoop is still sitting there being abandoned), nor did i eat wisely (i spent so much money on food, i can't help it).. however, i guess i did manage to study more (i got a distinction for SM, while MRA results aren't out yet but i noe i passed), and i even made new frens (tho i dun keep in touch wif 'em regularly).. owh, n i didn't update this blog as much as i wanted too... last november looked like a good start but then it went downhill.. who can u blame, i was born lazy...

so this year, i won't be putting on any high hopes for a better person or what so ever.. i juz wanna be happy and regardless how cheesy it might sound, it's all that matters.. i wish my grandmas will live happily n healthy throughout this year.. i wish my lil sis could enjoy her course at least a bit, as i enjoy mine (cuz basically, we're stuck wif it, without it being our choice).. n lastly, world peace!! seriously, reading the news nowadays are devastating.. especially with the war on Gaza going on.. it makes us thankful for the life we live here..

so whut's in for this year... i really hope i pass my last two subjects so i could finally graduate.. the idea of delaying another year really haunts me n i dun wanna end up graduating alone without my clsmates.. after i graduate, i hope it wouldn't be that hard for me to find a job.. i'm very excited to earn my own money n spend it like fireworks (got dat from natalie).. i think that's all there is for this year, in terms of things that are for sure to happen.. other than that, who knows.. i juz hope it all goes well..

World Peace