suicide note

as i looked up to the sky, i see you looking down on me,
do you think this is a joke? cuz you're laughing at my tragedy,
you took the only friend i ever had,
you left me feeling depress and sad,
you took her far far away,
and now you expect me to pray,
right now i wonder if you really do care,
cuz you gave me this pain that i cannot bare,
sometimes i wonder if you really exist,
cuz i have this temptation that i cannot resist,
i want to end this and never look back,
i want to stop this cuz it's strength that i lack,
i locked myself in my room, thinking of ways,
for calmness and peace to finally stay,
i imagine cutting my wrist and blood pouring out,
that method is messy, that's what i've heard about,
i could hang myself eight feet from the ground,
that way would be clean and i won't make a sound,
but then i've always wanted to jump of a building,
it'll be great looking down and imagine myself flying,
either way i'll be reunited with my friend again,
for this girl is broken and i can never be mend.


08/10/07

a year ago

so we're in 2009 now and a year ago, i made a few resolutions.. did i keep up with 'em? hell no.. i didn't practise playing my guitar (i think i have zero hand coordination), i didn't excercise regularly (my hoola hoop is still sitting there being abandoned), nor did i eat wisely (i spent so much money on food, i can't help it).. however, i guess i did manage to study more (i got a distinction for SM, while MRA results aren't out yet but i noe i passed), and i even made new frens (tho i dun keep in touch wif 'em regularly).. owh, n i didn't update this blog as much as i wanted too... last november looked like a good start but then it went downhill.. who can u blame, i was born lazy...

so this year, i won't be putting on any high hopes for a better person or what so ever.. i juz wanna be happy and regardless how cheesy it might sound, it's all that matters.. i wish my grandmas will live happily n healthy throughout this year.. i wish my lil sis could enjoy her course at least a bit, as i enjoy mine (cuz basically, we're stuck wif it, without it being our choice).. n lastly, world peace!! seriously, reading the news nowadays are devastating.. especially with the war on Gaza going on.. it makes us thankful for the life we live here..

so whut's in for this year... i really hope i pass my last two subjects so i could finally graduate.. the idea of delaying another year really haunts me n i dun wanna end up graduating alone without my clsmates.. after i graduate, i hope it wouldn't be that hard for me to find a job.. i'm very excited to earn my own money n spend it like fireworks (got dat from natalie).. i think that's all there is for this year, in terms of things that are for sure to happen.. other than that, who knows.. i juz hope it all goes well..

World Peace

and still

never heard from him since

Being Me

live life the fullest,

that's whut they say,

it might sound easy,

but it's hard in so many ways.

i've been living my life,

trying to make the people around me happy,

but then i stopped n think,

"whut's in it for me?"

people sumtimes say,

"when u're happy, i'm happy too"

i guess dat doesn't work for me,

like it does for you.

they expect a lot from me,

owh why can't they juzz see?

that i juzz wanna live,

and there's not much dat i could give.

they kept telling me the same things,

over and over again,

bout the importance in life,

and whut should i do wif them.

whut's a gurl gotta do,

to keep everyone satisfy?

i kept asking myself this,

and there were times that i cry.

i wanna do the things i enjoy,

i wanna act, sing and even dance,

i wanna spread my wings and juzz soar,

would anyone out there give me the chance?

so from this moment on,

i've already made up my mind,

that i'm gonna rule my own life,

and put the past behind.

to all you peepz out there,

now u've finally see,

whut it really feels like,

being me.

Q

i waited in vain for your reply,

waited for you to type 'hye',

but as time pass by,

i felt i could cry,

cuz nothing appeared on my sreen,

nothing to ease me as i scream.

what made you that busy?

that you can't even talk to me,

what made you that occupied?

to ignore me and lie,

there were times i hated you,

you said that's something i'll never do,

then what made me so mad?

what made me so sad?

i thought i had enough of your behavior,

but there were times i still think you're my savior,

as you save me from myself and let me know,

that though we're apart, you'll never let me go.

My Goodbye

i"ll miss the wind that blows on my skin,

i'll miss the voice that whispers within,

i'll miss the flowers as they beautifully bloom,

i'll miss these four walls in this empty room.

being alone just made me wonder,

how great it is just to live,

though things don't usually come easy,

you gotta stay strong, gotta work it, gotta keep living on.

i've been staying like this for a moment now,

and it's hard to admit that i'm weak.

so "goodbye to this world" i cry out loud,

'cuz this is the last of me, this is my last bow.

did you know

did u know that chocolate could actually kill dogs and cats? yep dat's right.. i read this in a magazine n did a lil' google about it, n apparently it's true.. here's a note on why chocolate is lethal which i took from here

Chocolate contains theobromine. A naturally occurring stimulant found in the cocoa bean, theobromine increases urination and affects the central nervous system as well as heart muscle. While amounts vary by type of chocolate, it's the theobromine that is poisonous to dogs.

not really sure what that means, but it's an interesting information to know..

ps: notice how often i blog lately? i'm trying to make it a habit... it takes time

###

tied together with a smile

seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you

taylor swift

###

writings

i've always been captivated by writings.. i guess i started to love writing after a poem competition way back when i was in form 3, n jue n i tried to come up with our own version of '10 things i hate about u'.. after that, i started writing poems n short stories.. tho they were all ameatur attempts, it sumhow satisfies me dat i could come up with things n putting them down on paper.. however, after reading them years later or maybe months later, it doesn't seem all dat good anymore.. i read other people's writings n i'm amazed at how they write.. the words chosen are very appropriate n meaningful without trying too hard.. me on the other hand, tend to think a lot to come up with phrases so good, it doesn't even makes sense.. a blog that i'm reading at this moment has juz dat.. good writings.. where juz by reading it, u can tell that the blogger is someone intelligent n bright.. putting the fact that we went to college together aside, i never knew he had good choice of words which actually made me read all his postings.. so he writes others quotes a lot in his blogs, but besides that, the other writings n information he puts in his blog, really captivates me.. it's light reading for me, but ones that makes me think.. here's a link to his blog the middling .. i noe no1 reads this, but to those who have come across my blog, drop by his blog to see whut i really mean..

isn't it weird dat i keep talking as if sum1 actually reads this, where in reality, i've never told any1 about the existence of my blog..

###

i am a nerd

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Drama Nerd You sure do love the spotlight and probably have a very out-going and loud personality. Or not. That's just a stereotype, of course. Participation in the theatre is something to be very proud of. Whether you have a great voice for musicals, or astounding skills for dramas/comedies; keep up the good work. We need more entertainment these days that isn't television and video games (not that these things are bad, necessarily.)
Literature Nerd
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz