and still

never heard from him since

Being Me

live life the fullest,

that's whut they say,

it might sound easy,

but it's hard in so many ways.

i've been living my life,

trying to make the people around me happy,

but then i stopped n think,

"whut's in it for me?"

people sumtimes say,

"when u're happy, i'm happy too"

i guess dat doesn't work for me,

like it does for you.

they expect a lot from me,

owh why can't they juzz see?

that i juzz wanna live,

and there's not much dat i could give.

they kept telling me the same things,

over and over again,

bout the importance in life,

and whut should i do wif them.

whut's a gurl gotta do,

to keep everyone satisfy?

i kept asking myself this,

and there were times that i cry.

i wanna do the things i enjoy,

i wanna act, sing and even dance,

i wanna spread my wings and juzz soar,

would anyone out there give me the chance?

so from this moment on,

i've already made up my mind,

that i'm gonna rule my own life,

and put the past behind.

to all you peepz out there,

now u've finally see,

whut it really feels like,

being me.

Q

i waited in vain for your reply,

waited for you to type 'hye',

but as time pass by,

i felt i could cry,

cuz nothing appeared on my sreen,

nothing to ease me as i scream.

what made you that busy?

that you can't even talk to me,

what made you that occupied?

to ignore me and lie,

there were times i hated you,

you said that's something i'll never do,

then what made me so mad?

what made me so sad?

i thought i had enough of your behavior,

but there were times i still think you're my savior,

as you save me from myself and let me know,

that though we're apart, you'll never let me go.

My Goodbye

i"ll miss the wind that blows on my skin,

i'll miss the voice that whispers within,

i'll miss the flowers as they beautifully bloom,

i'll miss these four walls in this empty room.

being alone just made me wonder,

how great it is just to live,

though things don't usually come easy,

you gotta stay strong, gotta work it, gotta keep living on.

i've been staying like this for a moment now,

and it's hard to admit that i'm weak.

so "goodbye to this world" i cry out loud,

'cuz this is the last of me, this is my last bow.

did you know

did u know that chocolate could actually kill dogs and cats? yep dat's right.. i read this in a magazine n did a lil' google about it, n apparently it's true.. here's a note on why chocolate is lethal which i took from here

Chocolate contains theobromine. A naturally occurring stimulant found in the cocoa bean, theobromine increases urination and affects the central nervous system as well as heart muscle. While amounts vary by type of chocolate, it's the theobromine that is poisonous to dogs.

not really sure what that means, but it's an interesting information to know..

ps: notice how often i blog lately? i'm trying to make it a habit... it takes time

###

tied together with a smile

seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you

taylor swift

###

writings

i've always been captivated by writings.. i guess i started to love writing after a poem competition way back when i was in form 3, n jue n i tried to come up with our own version of '10 things i hate about u'.. after that, i started writing poems n short stories.. tho they were all ameatur attempts, it sumhow satisfies me dat i could come up with things n putting them down on paper.. however, after reading them years later or maybe months later, it doesn't seem all dat good anymore.. i read other people's writings n i'm amazed at how they write.. the words chosen are very appropriate n meaningful without trying too hard.. me on the other hand, tend to think a lot to come up with phrases so good, it doesn't even makes sense.. a blog that i'm reading at this moment has juz dat.. good writings.. where juz by reading it, u can tell that the blogger is someone intelligent n bright.. putting the fact that we went to college together aside, i never knew he had good choice of words which actually made me read all his postings.. so he writes others quotes a lot in his blogs, but besides that, the other writings n information he puts in his blog, really captivates me.. it's light reading for me, but ones that makes me think.. here's a link to his blog the middling .. i noe no1 reads this, but to those who have come across my blog, drop by his blog to see whut i really mean..

isn't it weird dat i keep talking as if sum1 actually reads this, where in reality, i've never told any1 about the existence of my blog..

###

i am a nerd

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Drama Nerd You sure do love the spotlight and probably have a very out-going and loud personality. Or not. That's just a stereotype, of course. Participation in the theatre is something to be very proud of. Whether you have a great voice for musicals, or astounding skills for dramas/comedies; keep up the good work. We need more entertainment these days that isn't television and video games (not that these things are bad, necessarily.)
Literature Nerd
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

my very own

ring.. ring..

orked: hello??
mukhsin: hye, orked.. ader any plan tak for 2nite?
O: hmm, takde.. why?
M: get ready lar, in 20 minutes mukhsin dtg ambil..
O: nk pegi maner??
M: surprise...
i hung up the phone on got ready.. i went outside my room to ask my parents' permission but told them that i was going out with my fren.. 18 minutes later, mukhsin arrived in his blue car.. i got in and buckled up..
O: nk pegi maner ni??
M: ader lar....
we then drove quietly and in 10 minutes, reached on top of some hills.. a magnificent view lays a head of me...
M: jom kluar keta..
O: okies...
we got out of the car and mukhsin went to get something at the back of the car while i sat on the car out at the front, taking in the view in front of me.. it was lovely indeed.. i heard mukhsin coming out front so i turn to look at him and saw him holding a cupcake with one candle lit on it..
M: make a wish..
O: aww.. how sweet hehehe
M: ader lagi present for u...
he took out a little purple box and hand it to me... inside was a charm bracelet with butterflies and hearts...
O: cantik...

his phone rang so he picked it up.. he was nodding while listening to the person on the other line...
M: cube tgk kt saner... ader one last surprise...
he pointed to my left and so i watched at that direction but saw nothing...
O: ader aper??
M: erm, tgk jer, nnt ader sumthing tue..

1 minute
O: takder ape2 pon..

i looked at him questionably not knowing what he was talking about

boom... boom...

i qiuckly looked to my left and saw the fireworks...
O: woww....

i looked at him with appreciation
O: fireworks??

he smiled with pride knowing that he accomplished something.. we watched the fireworks doing its magic above us with sealed lips.. both of us not wanting to interrupt its beauty.. it lasted about 10 minutes and the moment quickly changed from the pounding of the fireworks to silence..
O: it's so quite
i said as i looked up to him
O: thank you

he then leaned over and kiss me lightly on my forehead...


Happy Birthday

Sid Vicious

You were my little baby girl
And i shared all your fears
Such joy to hold you in my arms
And kiss away your tears
But now you're gone there's only pain
And nothing can do
And i don't want to live this life
If i can't live for you
To my beautiful baby girl
Our love will never die

another daydream

cls has finally started after 1 moths plus break.. i hung out wif my frens a lot this time so i guess my new yr resolution for making more frens is in a way done.. i baught a hula hoop and a skipping rope to exercice and i'm working on that.. anyway, after not posting for so long, i just wanna say that i'm working on a little story which i thought of naming it as another daydream cuz basically that's what it is.. i've written a short story before which is untitled but i got stuck in the middle of it and it's been left like that ever since.. i hope i get to finish this one, but i'm not sure whether to let any1 else read it or not.. i guess i'll figure that out later when it is complete.. it's a very amateur attemp from me but whut isn't rite? lol so i'll keep this short and lets keep our fingers crossed

cheers

something to ponder on

why do i fall too easily?

###

Poems

who knew it's already been 5 years since high skool.. i attended my high skool reunion recently, last saturday to be exact.. it was ok, considering the vast of ppl there.. sure i dun mingle wif that crowd but i juz showed up as to not offend my fren sofia.. newayz pics will be up later (later does not mean soon ya =p) this entry will be about poems dat i wrote..

a few days ago, me, my sisters n my mum were in the kitchen talking bout places we want to eat at n things we wished to do.. so my elder sis took a note pad to write down a list.. to keep things short, they found a short poem (4 lines) in it n made a joke bout me writing poems.. i didn't mind cuz it might not occur to ppl dat i like writing.. they didn't know either so this entry will consist of some poems i wrote.. they're not that good but it'll do at the moment i guess..

.Gruesome.
i found my boyfriend, he was lying in a ditch
i smiled at that pathetic son of a bitch
they said he was missing, missing from where
i knew he was gone but i didn't care
he was cheating on me with the girl next door
it wasn't the first time, this has happened before
he said it was over, i believed him at first
but i saw him again with her, his lips on hers
damn i was fooled again, so i think of a way
to get my revenge cause that bastard had to pay
for the heartache he caused and the pain i went through
five minutes later, i knew what to do

two days later, people were looking around
looking for him up and down
left to right, wherever they could go
some asked me about him, i said i didn't know
and that's the truth, i didn't do anything
except went next door and hear the bell ring
a girl opened the door with blood on her hands
i freaked out, took a step back and ran
i found my boyfriend, he was lying in a ditch
i smiled at that pathetic son of a bitch
he had his heart ripped out of his chest
the funny thing is, he was wearing a dress
people started to gather around with curiosity
some couldn't stand the look of it so they backed up slowly
as for me i was glad cause it was a nice view
to see him gone so i could finally start a new

###

.Lame-O.
you were sitting across the room, playing your guitar
i just sat here and watched you from afar
you smiled at me and i smiled back
we were so in love and that's a fact
i wanted to give you something that can't be bought
i looked outside the window and thought

i've always wanted to write a song
a perfect melody that can go along
i grabbed a pen and a piece of paper
and started to write about us together

###

.My 1st Country Sound.
i watched you from across the street, with a guitar in your hand
you were having a good time, you were laughing with your friends
i saw her walked towards you, in her high heels shoe
a kiss upon the cheek and a warm hug too

how i wish i was her, pretty and lucky
to be noticed by you, and to be loved too
how i wish i was her, full with confidence
and not the shy away from the one she love

it was prom night and she was your date
she wore a beautiful dress that took your breathe away
you never once took your eyes off her
and i wonder, if you notice other girls envy her.

Rabun Screening

this picture was taken on April 3 after the screening of rabun.. i have to say dat i'm quite fond with the works of Yasmin Ahmad..she has a way of capturing ur hearts with the works she's done esp for those emo individuals like me.. n i'm not talking bout the gothic emo type but emotional n sensetive or whutever catogory dat i'm in... i get touched easily (not literally).. i mean, who watches Over Her Dead Body n cry?? well i do... but only at dat last part when the guy was heartbroken n his dead fiance' was watching him sadly.. ok enuff said.. so i enjoyed my evening at Leo Burnett tho i was a lil' quiet as usual.. the storytellerian were all good tho... made sum new frens.. at least i'm actually taking actions n follow my resolution after all hahaha

this is just a quick update n i thot of adding more pics in here.. owh yea, i baught a new video camera on April 12.. will be posting a pic soon... currently, i'm working on a small project (hopefully) with my sisters as a present for my mum on Mothers' Day.. hope it goes well... gotta start writing a bit for the short sketch.. n i must start on my assignments too... n my mum's not around cuz she went for umrah wif my opah n nek usu so there's loads of chores to be done.. plus my lil sis is home but i dun think she'll be dat much help (jahatnyer) huhuh so before i continue blabbing alone here, i'll just stop writing n go to sleep.. nitez...

###

i need a life bad

first thing's first, i feel so stupid rite now n i'm not sure if i'm even supposed to.. wait, yes i do.. everyone should noe whut facebook is by now, so i was browsing through it after like weeks of not logging in.. big mistake.. i stumbled across dis girls' page whose name is not worth mentioning here n it turns out she has diz stupid application where she can track who visited her page.. i didn't want her to noe for sure!! but it was too late by then.. i scrolled down n my face was at her page saying, shafinaz was here... fucking damn it!! so i ended up deleting my account in hoping dat it will appear at her page as account has been deleted or sumthing which i can't say fo sure if it does cuz i went thru all d trouble of having a new email n account n went to her page again but i can't view it... fucking damn i!! i'm not sure if it's a big deal but it is to me cuz i hate her n i'm not sure why... wait, yes i do.. aaarrrgggh!!!! i'm just pissed off at myself... i'm supposed to do my assignment but i delayed it n now she's gonna noe dat i'm snooping her page.. fine, so i do care whut she says, in fact i care whut everyone says about me, which i dun think is much considering i dun have a life... i mean look at me, i could shameless say without a doubt i'm pathetic... i cry for no reason at all, or maybe some that might not seem necessary, like rite now for example... ok so i'm not crying but i'm close to it... i have nothing better to do besides chores and assignments... n most mportantly I HAVE NO FRENS.... n this has been bugging me for like 2 yrs or 3 yrs now n yeah i am pathetic... i dun wanna sound desperate or anything but this is how i feel rite now... n all i worry about is who is gonna be at my funeral... why?? why?? i need a hobby.. rite?? no... i need a life... bad..

###

updated: turns out it was just a prank facebook did to freak ppl out... i guess i did freak out for no apparent reason

Backstreet's Back Alrite!!

yesterday was an exhausting yet awesome day.. class started last week n i'm taking 3 subjects this sem, IM, MDP (deja vu??) and HRM.. so far all classes seems ok but i have tons of work to do compared to last sem.. so i had class from 8 till 11 yesterday but we finished earlier.. i went home to rest a bit then got ready to have lunch with my family at OU.. it wasn't anyhting special actually but i had dim sum which my mum approve so i need not worry now to eat there.. then we shopped for stuff at Giant an after 2 hours there, we went back home.. i slept for an hour then took a bath n prepared for the night ahead.. whut's up?? well, since i dun usually have fun n excited activities in my life, i was looking forward to this nite for a week.. Backstreet Boys are having a concert here in KL at Sunway Lagoon Surf Beach.. yeah!! i went with my sis n we left around 5pm i think.. the show supposedly starts at 8pm so we had much time to get there n hang around a bit.. it was raining on the way there n i prayed that it stopped when the show starts..

anyway, Sunway Pyramid had a lotta things done the last time i went there.. i was totally lost.. we bought umbrellas juz in case, n i bought a hat juz for fun.. it's not that i'll wear it often tho.. it felt a lil weird since i'm not used to it.. so we went down later to grab sumthing to eat n head to Sunway Lagoon entrance.. turns out, we had to go to McD n KFC area for the entrance so after looking at the map, we decided to take the car n park sumwhere nearer cuz we didn't want to be so far away from everyone else once the show end.. so we took our car n were looking for another parking space then realise that even the carpark was totally different.. we tought there were no where else to park besides where we just were so found another parking space n made our way to McD.. turns out, we took the long way there since we didn't know there was actually a short cut.. damn.. anyway, we walked out n saw this super duper long line to the entrance.. yikes.. by the time we went in, it was almost 8pm.. my sis didn't mind the crowd so we cramped ourselves againts everyone else.. owh bdw, when going to a concert at the surf beach, never, i reapeat NEVER, wear heels.. yup, i wore heels there thinking i'd get a better view if i was a bit taller than everyone else.. i didn't think that the surf beach literally meant beach.. duh... i never went there ok, so sue me.. not juz that, even the stage was higher than us n i mean slightly on a hill.. lemme put it this way, u're in a cinema rite, but instead of the normal screen lower infront of u, imagine the screen behind u n turn around.. so see how is it difficult for ppl at the back to see the stage.. i magine dat, plus a huge guy in front of u.. my view was completely blocked!! damn it.. luckily my sis told me to squeezed in in front of her n after a lil shifting here n there, both of us had n ok view..

so a typical concert in malaysia would start about an hour late n diz was no exception.. it started at 9pm but after the show ended, everything was worth it.. it was worth paying rm88 for the tix, worth the time we walked n looked for a car park, waiting in line, having to take my shoes off n be barefoot cuz my heels would sink if i didn't.. EVERYTHING.. i had a great time n i'm sure my sis did too n all the other ppl who were there...BSB sang a lot of their old songs which was all i knew of.. their latest song that i know were only incomplete n inconsolable.. hehehhe... they opened with larger than life n ended it with shape of my heart.. weird song for an encore but who cares.. other songs that they sang were the one, the call, show me the meaning of being lonely, everyone, i want it that way, more than that and a medley of as long as you love me, all i have to give, i'll never break your heart and .. then each of them sang a song from their album... i could say that was by far the best concert i've ever been to other that the force of nature which they were also at..

after the show end, my sis and i bought a bottle of mineral water which cost us rm4 then realised that we had no money left to pay for or parking.. so we searched for an atm machine which only had 50 notes so my sis withdrawed rm50 n it turns out that the machine doesn't accept 50 notes so i digged up my bag for coins which thankfully was enough.. it was so tiring that i didn't even bath when i got home.. hahah... smelly me.. so that was my day at an awesome an amazing concert.. it was a flashback to the 90's indeed.. i had a lot of fun.. so class has started n i'll try to update this blog as often as i can... it's gonna be a busy sem so dun expect much aight..

xoxo

locked lips and locked eyes

who would've thought the latter would be more difficult.. yesterday, my mum and i went to pay my fees at KDU and later went to OU to buy movie tix for friday.. since there were plenty of time left, we decided to stop by at Lovely Lace.. dat's like my mum's fave store ever lol.. so on our way back, we were stopped by this couple from karangkraft.. there was going to be a small get to gether among Dunia Baru cast ( a series) with a few of their fans, n d girl asked if i wanted to join them, so i said yes.. so i followed them to the reptile exhibition n waited for d rest to arrive.. we went to Kluang Station 4 a while to get sum drinks n was joined by Iqram (d only cast who turned up).. so a couple of minutes later, we went up n started taking pictures with the animals there, mainly snakes..so to keep it short, there was 1 time when they told me to stand next to Iqram near a cage with what appears to be a small tapir.. apparently d pictures didn't turn out well so we took another shot near d iguana cage... so, we were sitting opposite of each other n we were suppose to look at each other... d thing is i felt very awkward juz gazing into his eyes dat i felt stupid everytime d cameraman had to correct d position of my face... n Iqram was also like "look at me, dun look anywhere else.. he wants d right angle." n i was like getting all anxious n uncomfortable for a minute... i wasn't prepared for this thus lack of make-up.. i could feel my lips getting dry... n he was looking at me straight in to my eyes making me more uncomfortable... ok so maybe it's not a big deal, i mean i'm not really his fan... but i felt stupid.. how hard is it to actually look into sum1's eyes?? n to think dat i'd be good at acting.. think again girl, it's a tough job.. anyway, i'm not sure if my heart did a flip back then but i deffinitely dun wanna go thru dat again... at least not in front of a camera.. n i'd rather kiss him =b i juz think dat'll be easier.. eyes closed n all.. u noe d drill... so dat's the small update so far... i'll keep u posted

cheers
xoxo

Happy New Year

happy new year everyone!! hopefully good things will come ur way this year n may it be a blessing 4 u =)

so apart from partying and drinking n whatever people do in order to celebrate n greet this new year, they also make new resolution to sumhow achieve goals to supposedly improve themselves.. well, i havn't really been those who make resolution cuz i noe that i won't do my best to try n make it happen... how bout a change then, i thought... so last night before i go 2 bed, i squeeze my brain to think of things dat i would like to do this year... so after listing points n making them general so it'll be easier for me 2 start, i've decided on a few things dat i could do... so these r my new year resolution;

1) eat reasonable amount of food n exercise, at least once a month
2) spend more time studying instead of sleeping, listening to music n day dreaming
3) make more effort to practice playing the guitar, since u waited years 2 actually buy it
4) post more entry in my blog, at least once a month or once a fortnight

lastly

5) make more friends as i realized i have none =b

achievable?? hopefully... wish me luck aight.. have a good year....

241MyFavouriteLover

you were younger than me,
i knew from the start that we were never meant to be,
besides u're the boyfren of my sisters' bestfren,
one way or another, they're gonna find out in the end.

but we tried our luck anyway and juz go with the flow,
how long will it last? well none of us will ever noe,
so far so good we thot so we juz carried on,
seeing each other at night till the break of dawn.

time is precious with every moment spent with you,
we laughed together at the stupid things we do,
juz seeing you makes me feel happy,
it's different from what i feel with that guy, lee.

you make me forget the people i hate,
even that bitch in college that i could never relate,
i really like those feelings, it's a feeling i'll never forget,
both loving you and being loved by you, how much better can it get.

then one day i received a call from you,
from the tone of your voice, it was bad news, i knew,
she suspects sumthing so i want this to stop,
those words u said juz made my heart drop.

i won't say that my world came crashing down cuz it didn't,
my feelings for you never changed but i kept them hidden,
there were times when i got mad and tried to hate you,
but then the opposite of love is not hate but to not care about the person you do.

so after awhile i thot that things will be juz like it used to be,
pretending the past didn't happen and i was juz simply free,
but the thot of you kept haunting me, they won't leave me alone,
and there were times i caught myself staring at your name on my phone.

the more i think of you the more i miss you, how can i make this feeling go away,
i know you belong to another but please give me the chance to say,
being with you was wonderful but yet i regret that it happen,
cuz as much as i wanted to, yuo're not easily forgotten.

this thing was expected so why do i feel this way,
reminiscing the times we shared, owh how i wish you'd juz stay,
but now you're gone and i realised in time,
that i still love you so much even tho u were never mine.


xoxo