I Secretly Want You

I sat in a corner, observing you and her,
the two of u snuggling like you're the only people in this world,
it kinda made me sick, i felt like puking, 
u being all sweet, her being all mushy,
i hear you laughing at her jokes,
that wide smile on her face of satisfaction,
cracking sounds heard as if my heart broke,
the scary thoughts of losing my obsession,
i know u chose her cuz she's easy,
i'm one of them girls that can't be fool,
but i still hope u showed interest in me,
instead of wasting your time on that stupid tool,
it annoys me when people tease the two of you,
don't they know that i want you too?
yeah you might be a jerk sometime,
acting cool as if you have a witty mind,
but i don't seem to care, you're still a safe choice for me,
cuz when it comes to guys, i like choosing the ones with less honesty,




### sgt2 lame.. towards the end xder idea.. ppfftttt ###

Will You Keep Me Plz

I'm doing it again,

I'm falling for some guy,

I ran and told my friends,

They said he'll make me cry,

His words sweeter than candy,

It ain't that hard to be deceived,

He send me back home daily,

Me, innocent and naive,

My friends told me to read the signs,

His scheming and his game,

But it's hard to read between the lines,

Every time he whispers my name,

Each day I fall deeper,

Right into his arms,

I feel like he's a keeper,

I can't seem to resist his charms,

He never uttered the words,

But i'm quite sure how he feel,

My friends tell me I'm absurd,

But I'll just wait for him to kneel.

You Had Me

Suffocating myself with the sound of your voice,
while cutting myself as if I had a choice,
It's not that i want it to end,
Cause I'd go through it all again,
I'll take each hit, each kick,
I'll sprawl on the floor even if it made me sick,
No matter how hard the touch,
I always felt the clutch,
Your nails sink within my skin,
My head smashed as the earth spin,
A cut for every beating,
Telling me how you weren't cheating,
I took it all in and embraced the pain,
It's the only thing that will keep me sane,
Inflicting these wounds, I know I'm making you proud,
I won't stop hurting myself, it's just as how we vowed.
 
 

Randomly Ad-Hoc

Owh muffin top,

you have just gotta stop,

you're presence is unwelcome,

you need to go back to where you're from.

i'll try to vanquish you,

but it's kinda hard for me to do,

with guidance and determination,

i'll make sure i follow through my mission.



James Franco

it's like i'm in high school all over again here,
all those years of growing up seemed to just disappear,
i'm sitting in this corner, trying to hold back my tears,
waiting for you to come save me, my dear.


he was in my mind when i thought of this, i know it's random...

Abused

i kicked him in the head and watched him as he bled,

blood running down his nose, bruising legs and broken toes,

it's payback time and revenge is a bitch,

you'll never tame me down, not even one bit,

how you like me now, all charged up and in power,

do you like this little girl, taking you over,

you tried to get up, another blow to the tummy,

you moaned in pain, your eyesight all blurry,
do it to me again, don't tell me i didn't warned you,
this is what you get, after all that i went through,
you think it was over the moment you hit me,
you got it all wrong, i'm no longer that girl, baby,
better luck next time, cuz i ain't looking back,
i'm walking away with my dignity intact.

Take It In With Pride

i remember that day when i cried a little,
i couldn't believe it was true,
i wanted to be someplace else,
but u said "that wouldn't happen to you,"
i was down for a couple of weeks,
everything around me reminds me of it,
nothing can be done, it was all sealed,
my disappointment will never be revealed.

Reminiscence

baby, it's raining outside,

did you know that reminds me of you?

it was the moment you asked me to be your bride,

that moment when we decided to say I do,



Ponders

months passed and i kept asking why,

my heart hurts as i jabbed my eye,

why wasn't i chosen, how could it be,

what was i to do to have you pick me,

i was sideline as i watch others go,

down the path i dream of, as my pain slowly grow,

they told me to forget about it but i see them dwell,

on what could be their path, as i live in hell,

practice what you preach, i was once told,

but you can't walk the walk, you wouldn't let it roll,

i hear them argue, bout equality that was promised,

i can't help but feel your sense of dishonest,

i start to question my self-worth,

i questioned my belonging on this dreadful earth,

did i not meet the expectation, were they better,

u didn't even bat your eyes at me, didn't even breathe a letter,

i curled up in my emotions, that i carelessly hid,

but they didn't noticed, not even one bit,

i guess i should've shouted at them, told them how i feel,

bout the path i wanted, bout not having a deal,

month passed by and i still wonder why,

have u never come to me and look me in the eye,

mouthed the words i long to hear,

opening the doors while they stand near,

months passed by, it was never meant to be,

for me to be there, for you to set free.

Fade Away

i had a beautiful dream one night,
everything about it felt right,
there was love in the air,
that pure love we share,
i was in your embrace,
was just staring at your face,
being in each others company,
that's our purpose, just where we should be,
such a beautiful dream that was,
nothing else matter just because,
the world was ours, ours alone,
everything else was left unkown,
i woke up from my dream, with a warm fuzzy feeling,
i smiled to myself while remembering everything,
within seconds, it got hard to remember,
everything within my grasp slips further,
my dream was slipping away, they started to fade,
slip into nothingness as if it was never made,
i had a wonderful dream one night,
everything about it felt right,
now i'm wishing it'll become reality,
here i'm wishing you would come back to me.


~~: flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end :~~

Stand Tough

I'm older and wiser, I've learnt a lot since then,
I'm no longer that little girl who got her heart broken,
I got up when i fall and had my head held high,
I'll no longer leave myself in the dark to die,
I love myself more now, more than you ever will,
I'll no longer screw around just for the thrill,
When I look in the mirror, I don't just love what I see,
But I'm even proud of myself cause I am finally free,
I'll no longer have to put up with your smothering,
And all your brainwashing about me being worth nothing,
In my rear view mirror that's where you'll stay,
Cause I'm older and wiser now, I'll no longer be your prey.

Fairytale

Hello there my love,
How are you today?
I hope you're alright,
Hope everything is OK.
We haven't talk for awhile now have we?
There's just so much things to say,
From the shit i go through at work,
To those very rare lovely days.
But enough about me, I want to know about you,
How's that tummy of yours and your favourite sport too?
Did you miss me a bit while I was away?
Please tell me the truth, whatever the price I'll pay.
You seem thinner now, anything bothering you?
It's stress you say, I wonder what you're going through.
I hope you'll share things with me, make me your confidant,
Cause I care so much about you, no I'm not nonchalant.
I miss talking to you, and staring into your eyes,
I've bared my soul to you, even more that I realise.
Even after all that, there's one thing I still wish I could do,
To be in your embrace, knowing that you love me too.

Family Portrait

a little girl in a lonely room,
suffocated by the noise, all in gloom,
voice rising, each louder than the other,
it's been the same through thick and thin weather.
a little girl with no shoulder to cry on,
if she knew her fate earlier, she'd wish she was never born,
to the outside world, they lived happily,
behind closed doors, they suffered miserably.
a little girl stuck between a broken marriage,
nothing can be saved, everything was damaged,
they're at it again, she prayed it will all end,
the heated arguments and shouting, she can no longer comprehend.
a littler girl hugging her old teddy bear for solace,
and imagined herself in a peaceful place,
that is filled with butterflies and double rainbows,
soft green grass between her toes.
a little girl, now back to reality,
breath held for a minute that felt like an eternity,
the door slammed open, and there stood a guy,
unshaven and dirty with a swollen eye.
a little girl watched him takes off his shoes,
let out a sigh while letting his tie loose,
a bottle fell out of his hand,
crashes to the floor on top of a pile of cans.
a little girl wants this all to stop,
she misses her parents a lot,
she don't see them that often, always staying hid,
she can't make them stop, after all, she's just a kid.
a little girl looking up at a portrait,
smiles on their faces, for once they looked great,
she tried to reminisce the old days when they were happy,
sadly she can't think of any.
a littler girl all torn up inside,
just waiting for her pain to subside,
laid her head down on a lonely pillow,
cried her eyes out in deep sorrow.

sigh

"it's like watching u're crush marrying ur best fren"

do i weep?
or do i smile?
should i be happy for u?
even just for a while.
my heart aches,
my head hurts,
i can't take it,
and my tears burst.
i wiped it away,
and kept being strong,
swollen eyes,
for a nite long.
i leaned my head to her,
a shoulder to cry on,
silenced in the air,
waiting till dawn.
nothing can be done,
except to accept fate,
nothing can ease,
this feeling of frustrate.
i screamed my lungs out,
locked myself in my room,
took the gun and put it to my head,
BANG!! i was doomed.

Someone Like You

Your charm is overwhelming, your presence makes me gleam,
You walk pass by me and I drift into a day dream,
You flash a smile that had me tingles.

I saw you with her, with ease and poise,
Both of you ignoring the surrounding noise,
You"re in your own world, just the two of you.

She tells me tales, all involving you,
Envy seeps through my veins  just hearing the truth,
I wish I was her, I wish I was with you.

You care for her, your sweetness show,
You're an amazing man, that I do know,
Would you ever see me like how you see her.

I look beside me, there's an empty chair,
I wish you were sitting just there,
Come here for awhile, get to know me.

You saw me, you looked away,
Words spoken aloud without having you say,
I get it now, I'll be gone.

I wish i had someone like you,
Who cares for me through and through.
Be good to her, I know you will,
Love her as I love you still.

Looking Back

A walk along the beach with waves splashing on my feet,
My body shivers with every sound of my heartbeat,
Sweating palms while I'm licking my lips,
Teary eyes and wobbling hips.

A walk along the beach to cool my nerves,
And I think about what I took that was initially hers,
He was charming and good looking, with the nice smell of his cologne,
I started to feel nervous, just thinking we were alone.

He smiled at me and I thought my heart melts,
This is such a weird feeling, one that I have never felt,
Butterflies in my stomach as he looked me in the eyes,
I almost stutter when I said a simple "Hi".

A walk along the beach and I had time to reflect,
On the woman I've become from every little aspect,
She came to me begging, to not take what's rightfully wasn't mine,
But I fell too far deep to give him up, I've already crossed the line.

A walk along the beach, and I'm walking down the aisle,
In a white dress made for me, with a big wide smile,
He said his vows, one that was once said to her,
I tilt my head down, my face getting redder.

A walk along the beach, with my new handsome man,
I replay that one moment again and again,
Reminiscing my life and what I went through,
From that day I ran down the aisle, without saying "I do".

Sunday

Devil,

Your work here is done,

You may go now.

scarred for life

it was done before i could think,

and now i'm scarred for life,

i lost control, i wasn't sure what ticked me,

and now i'm scarred for life,

i wanted you to hit me, it'll make things much easier,

but reflex had the best of me,

and now i'm scarred for life,

don't think for a second that i don't respect you,

although that is all you asked for,

i love you with all my heart,

more than you may ever know,

i live life trying to be you, to make you proud,

but that one moment took that away,

and now i'm scarred for life,

out of all the things in this world,

i'd wish to turn back time and erase that moment,

i wish that never happened,

and i'm embarrased at how that past has made me who i am today,

i'm scarred for life now,

things may or may not be the same,

i miss you so much, even more when i see you,

i kissed your hands this morning,

asked for your blessing,

and being the greatest person i know ever,

i felt that you have gave me that,

i never know how to repay your kindness and love,

but i have a rough idea about it before,

i'm not sure about things now,

i still wish i could fullfill my part of the bargain,

i know i will,

even more so now,

now that i'm scarred for life.

= iloveyou =

Name This For Me

it wasn't too long ago that we first met,
it's one of those days that i'll never forget,
you came gracefully and i embraced you,
you were like the rest, the ones that came before you.

now you're slowly fading away,
i can't stop you, i can't make you stay,
you will be replaced by another,
just like how you did with the others.

and just like always, i start to remember,
about the times when they were here,
the sorrows and the joy they bring,
and the possibilities that might lies within.

and just how i treated the others, i'll treat this new one just the same,
with an open mind and another middle name,
they vary from strong, optimistic and happy,
but never fragile, pathetic nor crappy.

you'll never be forgotten,
my dearest two-o-ten,
and so here i am with arms wide open,
here i am, welcoming two-o-eleven.


***Happy New Year All***

Dedicated to you

you come to work from 9 to 5,
looking all busy when i was the one who strived,
not a single thing done on your part,
but at the end of the day, you're the one who looked smart,
i'm tired of being cast behind your shadow,
i hope people out there aren't that shallow,
i hope they acknowledge all my hard work,
instead of thinking that it's all been done by some jerk,
don't u dare take credit for what i've done,
don't u test me while i'm holding this gun,
don't ever think that i'm afraid to use it,
cuz if been playing this scene over and over in my head,
one trigger, that's all it takes,
for ur life to be over, for your spirit to break.


hopes this could cheer u up =D

Bowling for Columbine

what would u do, if this would've happened to u?
and when u pray, what will u say?
will i be on ur mind, in that critical time?
will u breathe fast, knowing it might be ur last?

at times like these i start to wonder,
about the beauty of life, that God has to offer,
how sad it is to think that this could all end,
with a terrible mistake done by a friend.

he went rampage, shooting everyone he sees,
not thinking of the consequences, not thinking of me,
i cowered in a corner, fearing the worse,
thanking God that i wasn't his first.

the screams grew louder, i feel him apporaching,
the shots sounds nearer, i know he was coming,
suddenly everything turned pitch black,
i'm pretty sure that's when he attacked.

i counted to five, and was ready to feel the pain,
a minute passed, the waiting was driving me insane,
two minutes passed and i opened my eyes,
and right in front of me, his body lies.

blood splattered, a gunshot to his head,
and suddenly everything went red,
i looked at his face and thought i saw a smile crept,
i couldn't take it so i turned and wept.

it was all over, some may think,
time will pass and the pain will shrink,
well they thought wrong cuz after years passed by,
i'm still alive, but inside i have died.

###

just read about the Wisconsin shooting and it's devastating to think that something like that actually happened... there's been many incidents throughout the years that are similar... especially the infamous one that happened in Columbine High School that Michael Moore made a documentary about.. n there was the other one in Viginia Tech which had a record of 33 victims.. does the 2nd Ammendment of US constitution help these numbers grow.. i personally think so.. at least it makes owning a gun easier.. since everyone has the rights to own a gun, no one would actually question u when u purchase a gun.. it's not like u have the word murdered or killer or bad guy, written on ur forhead for them to know right.. i just can't imagine if this was implemented in this country.. i don't wanna think about it.....