There's Only One Solution

I know it, you know it, and it's pretty damn obvious.. but why can't i take that 1st step and do what's necessary?? why can't i decide for myself for once in my life.. i've been talking and whining about it long enough and that should by right make my decision easier right?? and what am i talking about? my job of course.. i'm sure ppl are tired of reading about it (ade ke yg bace?), and i'm damn sure tired of writing about it.. bout how i don't have the skills and knowledge to excel in this job, bout how i don't have the passion and drive and all that shit.. then also bout this is my comfort zone and it isn't easy for me to let it go, and also how i don't have any clue what to do if i do quit and also the fear of going through interviews and making new frens all over again (cuz let's face it, i suck at that)..

and then it hit me, i've never really gone job hunting before... i've only had two jobs and both of them wasn't really initiated by me.. all i did was merely go for interviews... Jue used my Job Street account to apply for jobs right after i graduated and one of the company she applied for was Marcus Evans.. i got a call and i went for the interview... n my current job? well, my dad asked me to send my resume to his friend, and when i got the call, i went for the interview... see? i merely just went for interview after other ppl helped point the direction.. so really, i have no clue where to start.. and in order for me to end my misery here, i need to take that one crucial 1st step that could help me move one step further to where i am now.. so now, i have to figure out what to do now..

i guess i have to 1st decide what i want to do.. whatever it is, i'm not gonna jump back in this field, so i definitely have to start from scratch.. and let's be realistic here, it wouldn't be easy for me to nail something which i have no basic in.. ppl out there aren't really looking for noobies, hence another set back in my plan.. then i have to start looking, which i haven't been doing or haven't even tried.. and now all the things that's holding me back becomes clearer.. i just wish there's a test i could take that could determine what i can do in life.. i kinda have a brief idea, but not one that most would agree upon.. i want to work for and NGO.. mainly things that deals with people, use more heart rather than my head.. and it may seem lack of enthusiasm on my behalf, but i don't want anything that needs to be studied 1st (like what i'm doing now).. cuz i'll admit it, study isn't my strengths.. or in other word, i'm stupid.. so yeah, i would prefer something more like that..

and now, after i've set all these down (for the umpth time) the question is, what the hell do i do now?  *help*