so where to start

this is gonna take super long and i dun really feel like writing much right now as it's 2am n i need 2 get up early later.. getting back from where i stop previously, i work in Maybank now which is so-so at d moment.. i could say it's totally different from whut ME was, i need to use my brain more this time =b it's basically more towards financial stuff which i'm totally not interested at all... but then just to please my dad, here i am.. at least d perks here is i get paid more.. dat is if i make no deals at ME... i miss it there sumtimes... met up wif Ian n all sumetime back.. we had dinner n i was told dat feena got 11 deals already which is freaking awesome.. but then i won't complain.. i dun have much to do at d moment so it's basically like i'm paid for doing nothing =b which is cool right...


owh, jue came over for shikin's bday as a surprise.. we pulled a prank on her n got her good.. pics n d video of it is on fb.. we slept at park royal since jue kaya gler hahah seriously girl, save money la.. ko tu dh nk kahwen =b but overall i had a good time with them.. we went to euphoria n i wasn't really in d mood anymore for those stuff so i juz hung around.. i promised my kazen i'll be good n i was =)

speaking of which, sara is getting married n we're having her bachelorette party later at the curve.. karok jer la.. kazen belambak but only a few cud make it.. dun mind anyway since usually karok pon mmg xramai sgt.. movies jer leyh ramai cuz brla guyz nk join.. owh we're thinking of watching a movie once a week.. sorta like our weekly activity.. well actually ngn mohsin jer la ... so we have this invisible list of movies to watch... hopefully xpokai ar..

which reminds me, nk blackberry!!! ok lar, i was actually aiming for a sidekick but i dun think they sell it here n if i ask mariam to get one for me kt UK, i'm juz worry that it won't be compatible and all.. so nk black berry la... but it cost a lot n if i really do spend dat much money on it, i'm afraid i won't have much left... kosong kot nnt my acct huhuh i'll give till end of feb to decide nk bli ker x..

so i've been reading a lot now.. super fun.. i remember reading an article saying that averagely, malaysians read 2 books a year... giler ke ape.. i think if given the time n money, i could read 2 books a month.. if i could recall properly, i remember reading angels and demons in december.. since then, i finished reading perfect match by jodi picoult and another dan brown book, the lost symbol.. currently i'm finishing the island of lost girls n then i'm planning to read mercy.. nmpk sgt xder keje cuz byk time nk bacer.. it's interesting so who cares la...i'm a loner n i love my books... i could picture my own home now with its' own library... if dpt cm belle pon best gk but impossible la...

adeh, i thot i said i dun feel like writing.. didn't i say i suck at summary...i'd just blabber on and on... i miss it.. having to write sumthing worth reading... working on more poetry soon.. kinda hit a wall at d moment.. i'm off to bed now.. nites

Surprise!!

currently sitting in d office... which office? well there's so much to talk about, i'll need a whole day juz updating.. i won't even bother summarising it cuz i totally suck at dat n would babble on and on.. bottom line, i miss writing n will find some time to do it soon.. in the meantime, happy new year everyone... lets make this year rock!! *hugs*

i miss u like hell

i'm almost in tears becuz i'm weird n emo like dat.. dis is 4 u jue.. i noe we havn't really been in touch for quite sum time now, as in really had a talk.. i'm genuinely sorry for that.. n now, when u might be facing the toughest time ever, i dun feel like i've been there for u as i should have.. i promise i'll make it up 2 u.. i juz read ur post n i think i understand where u're getting at.. u're not ready yet.. but really, who is? u can make arrangements and plan a huge wedding (or an engagement) for a year, but when that moment comes, how ready will you be? the butterflies will be there, the second thought will for sure be there, it's just the matter of taking that first n crucial step.. the 1st step dat u anticipated ur whole life, be it now or d next 5 years.. n when u do take dat chance, u'll embrace the moment becuz it's urs.. it might not be what u expected but at least u're getting there..

we both noe i'm d least suitable person 2 talk about this.. given d lack of history i have.. but who cares =p so lets do this one by one k..

whut if u find some else? someone better? when will that be? a week after ur engagement? a month? or a year? but whut if u don't? lets take a step back here.. is ur main concern loosing a batter shot at happy endings? or is it on cheating him? bottom line, it's not something dat is certain.. it may or may not happen.. but if it does, we'll figure out sumthing together..

u want a stagnant relationship? where's d fun in dat? u dun want him 2 change, yet u're not satisfy wif d way he is now? so, u want him 2 stay like dis forever? out of all ur serious relationshipS, i noe him less.. so i'm not really sure to what extent is he 'suffocating' u.. i can't really guess whut he'll be like after this.. but whut i'm sure is dat change is good.. it's just how u handle it n make out of it dat matters.. find sumthing dat u truly love about him, dat made u stay wif him for this long, n hang on to it.. as for d opposites, lets just look at d glass as half full for d time being.. if it's something u can tolerate now, it'll be a norm later.. but if it's not, den why r u wif him??? hahahah

n feelings? u're not excited to marry him as oppose to ad, posoi, man....? by dat, do u realise sumthing? list down nani's characteristics, den ad, posoi, man... u might find (from my point of view) d things u dislike about ur former bfs is dat they hurt u, be it physically or emotionally.. whereas for nani, it's jus d things dat he's paranoid about becuz he loves u.. n again, i dun really noe him or d rest for dat matter, so i might be wrong..

this might be a bit outdated, since u said u've accepted this.. i hope this doesn't make u feel worse... dat wasn't really whut i aimed for =p i hope it works out good for u.. i have 2 say i won't be there physically, but i'll hold ur hand dat day *kening2* (still xphm ker?) whutever it is, u noe we'll look out for u, both me n kin..

Ring the Bell

today was productive.. any guess why? well, for start, i got my first deal in.. woot!! it was my 2nd week at Marcus Evans and my 4th day on d floor.. quite an accomplishment i must say.. so on top of my half paycheck n d 10% commission, i got another 250 as d 1st person to close a deal which was an intensive promised to us.. so double woot for payday =D i havn't been posting anything lately, esp about my new job.. thins is, i'm tied up with work, what with all the lead research i'm supposed to be doing but lacking.. i can't concentrate on one thing for even an hour without being distracted.. TV too near? probably.. so how about a new laptop.. hopefully by end of this year i could afford one.. keeping my fingers crossed for another deal dis week.. not many of us who came for training d other day stayed.. newbies will come soon, i think it's diz friday.. so i really wish my other mates get a deal by then too.. of course it's flattering n overwhelming to be among the 1st, but it's kinda awkward too.. lets all be bigheads together hahaha

since i'm just taking up d time to post an update, i might as well give a quickie about my job.. so basically i'm in a brand bew division in asia pacific which is d professional training division.. we sell trainings (duh!) n currently have 2 topics.. at the moment, my team needs to focus on the thailand market as our target n later on will switch to malaysia.. so whut i do is actually calling up companies to offer the trainings to them.. this job has it's highs n lows.. it sux big time when no one picks up d phone or u're on hold like forever.. but then there are times when d person on d other line is helpful n patient... so after giving them a call n doing a full pitch, we need to drop them an email along with our program n arrange a call back time.. Karen helped me with d callbacks which basically is to get d decision on their part.. n if it's a yes, they'll register n pay everything.. once the fax is in, dat means u got a deal n at Marcus Evans, we ring the bell!!

so yeah, i got to ring my 1st bell!! thus d title.. i'm tired.. it's actually 15th september today.. i noe this is a delayed post.. i just can't find d time to properly update this.. on dat note, i'll c ya soon... happy hari raya..

Q&A

i guess i should elaborate more about this week.. well, i just got my first job so i think it's sumthing to brag about hahah no one reads this blog anyway.. lets take this one step at a time.. i kinda fast forward things in my previous post cuz my dad was tapping his feet away (ok, he wasn't).. so..

Monday:
i finally decided to dedicate this day to start job hunting.. i finished my final exam on 9th june, which means i already had 2months of break which should be more than enuff.. off course there was the thing wif my grand ma n all but it didn't took up most of my time.. so yeah, i logged on to job street while chatting wif jue, n filled out my resume there..click click click n we're done.. i gave her my username and password so she helped me applied for jobs too, hence the gratitude i owe her muahaha so yeah, that's where it all began..

Tuesday:
when jobless, we usually sleep late right? i mean that's the point of being free, no alarm to wake us up for the day cuz of the responsibilities we have (except for early breakfast la since it's ramadhan) so it was about 10am when i got a phone call.. i was asleep but i made the most cheerfull voice ever to cover it up.. besides, it was an anonymous number.. it was a woman on the other line, Karen Chan, saying that she received my resume from jobstreet.. she gave a quick intro bout Marcus Evans n also the job that she was about to offer.. then later she told me to check my email after our conversation for more info which include the company's website n more info bout the professional training that i was supposed to sell if i do want job.. i was ecstatic that i literally told anyone who meant anything to me hehehe so i called her back at 3:15pm as she told me to, to let her noe i was interested bout d job n set up an interview which was on the next morning..

Wednesday:
i woke up super early cuz the interview was at 9am n i should be there by 8:45 cuz there were forms i need to fill in.. so by 7:30, i was outta the house.. my dad sent me to tmn bahagia's lrt station n i stopped at kl sentral to take the monorail n stopped at bkt bintang, then i had to walk to the central plaza building which took 5minutes top.. i got there around 8:30 so i had to wait at d reception area.. a guy working there gave me a few tips before the interview.. basically it was to show how determine i was to get the job, confidence and a positive attitude.. then Karen came out, n after i finished filling up d form, we proceeded to the meeting room where it all happened.. she explained in detail how the job should be done n asked questions like "why should we choose u over the other candidates" "whut would u say are ur strengths" "could u picture yourself working here in the long run" "this job, although not often, requires u to face rejection, so whut will you do if after 3weeks, u couldn't get anyone to agree to join our training" and so on.. these r the main things she asked that i could remember.. i think the fact that i was excited to attend a job interview helped me alot wif answering the questions.. i tried not to be fake so much heheh so i tried to be realistic wif my answers.. so it took about one and a half hour for it to go down.. i reached home n felt pretty good about myself.. haa

Thursday:
thursday already? i set my alarm at 8:25am cuz i need to call her back between 8:30 till 9am to find out whether i got the job or not.. n as we all noe now, i got it!! yeay for me right hahaha

so i'll be starting next tuesday, i hope it all goes well.. i'll be given some training before i start.. i need to get 3 delegate in a month block in order to finish my probation.. i noe i havn't started working yet but i kinda feel good about this job.. hey, gotta be optimistic right? however, i dun think my parents see me doing this as a career.. my mum kept saying, "xpela keje ni dlu, sementara tu cr keje laen" whut if i dun want to? off course i'll see how i am at being a sales exec, but i think it's sumthing i can cope wif.. so wish me luck ppl *wink*

Part 2

SHAFINAZ!! STOP IT!!
ok, inner voice, i'll listen to you this time..

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you caught me at a different time where i was wiser and stronger,
i have the ability to control myself and naive, i was no longer,
so i couldn't care less when i didn't hear from you, not even a single word,
cuz i'm better than you and most importantly, i think you're absurd.

Woot!!

so ppl, whut do i have in store for u today? plenty, off course.. well, for start, i finally got my degree!! woot!! convocation was held last week on d 18th.. n i was green.. like literally green.. was kinda embarrassed at 1st but later on i thot so whut.. it's one day, My Day to be exact, and i'll be wearing my robe after all.. it was awesome.. at first i didn't really get the hype of graduating, i mean how many ppl in this world exactly has a degree.. but then, it meant dat i actually accomplish sumthing, sumthing dat my dad paid huge ka-ching for.. so yeah, dat morning i got all excited and was all smile dat day.. should i tell more about it? well i have more topics to talk about so lets juz get on to it =b

so whut usually comes next after graduating? you betcha, a job.. n yeah i got a job already.. double woot!! off course i'll be on probation 1st, but i can't get over the fact dat i could actually be employed hahaha so basically, while preparing my resume, i was chatting wif jue (shoutout to u) n she told me to go to jobstreet and so i did.. we start clicking and applying for job on monday.. and on tuesday, i got a call while i was sleeping.. so to make it short, i went for an interview yesterday, n i did thought it went well.. and this morning, it was confirmed dat i got it.. and who said i didn't rock haha papa's waiting for his turn.. might update more later...

Snippet

my little boy has grown into a handsome young man,
who's surprisingly perverted and horny as you can,
what are you trying to do? i asked him, i'm trying to turn you on,
while we sat on a couch and cuddle till dawn,
erk stop it, it tickles and plus it's kinda gross,
fine, you said, and played with my hair n nose,
i felt like kissing you then, while still in this moment here,
but i can't bring myself to do it, after all, you just stuck your tongue in my ear.

Open to public

so this blog is open back to public... havn't been updating for awhile.. last time i really wrote about whut was happening was in april after my tok cik's death.. it's august now.. in the next 5 days, i'll be having my convocation.. i finally finished college n will be getting my degree soon.. woot!! kinda excited for the day but then i fear the days after.. gotta start straighten up stuff wif my resume n all n start job hunting.. yikes.. owh well, that's life aight, u gotta go thru phases..

back in june, my grandma on my dad's side was admitted to the hospital for a minor surgery, but for her age (she's about 83 years old) it's considered a major surgery.. it had sumthing to do with her nerves n it was causing her pain so she had it checked.. on top of dat, she has an ulcer in her stomach.. she was there for about a week n room was packed constantly, since we're a big family.. so i had fun bonding wif her.. my sisters weren't close to our grandma on my dad's side as close we were with our grandma on my mum's side.. mostly cuz on my mum's side, there's only the 6 of us as grandchildren while on my dad's, we had 60+ cuzins.. so after spending time wif her, sleeping over at the hospital, we felt closer, which i think is very important.. she's doing well now, recovering.. although she seems weaker now.. less gardening since she can't walk so far..

july is another story.. i went to australia which is kinda awesome.. but i think i'll leave that for another post.. this seems long enuff.. besides, i gotta get ready.. currently in ukm at my sister's place.. juz hanging out =b

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Our Mak

kak min, a suggestion.. take the gurl in the ad "pdan, tak padan" to be orked at 10...
amethyst | 10.16.05 - 1:30 pm

this quote above was actually written by me on yasmin's blog back in 2005.. back then, she was looking for an actress to play a 10 year old orked.. off course as we knoe now, that role was given to yana.. however, the gurl i suggested, amelia, was cast as melati in her latest an sadly, last film Talentime.. Yasmin passed away july 25th, while i was in Australia.. she collapsed at Tv3 on 23rd evening n was admitted to DSH ICU.. i went there around 9pm but only family members were allowed to visit her.. off course close frens were allowed too.. i understand well n respect her husbands' reason.. although there was a very strong feeling, little did i noe that was the last chance i had to meet her.. i flew to aussie the next day n although i kept promising myself to at least try to contact her n give her a hug, an inner voice told me that i won't be seeing her again..

i may not noe her closely, but i did had the privillage to meet up with her n got to noe a piece of her.. thru her, i made frens i wouldn't have known.. who knew her more than i do.. i won't lie and say i'll miss this or that about her the most cuz thruth is, i dun noe her that well.. but i will say that i'll miss her as a person becuz i feel very connected to her.. whenever things get emotionnal for me, i've thought about writing to her, asking her view on it, but backed out..

i dun think i'm dat qualify to write much about her.. juz wanna say dat she had impacted so many life n that says a lot about her.. lets juz keep her in our hearts..