lets start the countdown

so only a few days left till i'm off to labuan Woot!! can't wait can't wait can't wait *do the victory dance* it's gonna be a short trip but definitely worth it.. next time i step foot there might be in the next coming year when Jue gets married... nevertheless, i'll fully make use of the time i'll spend there...

currently in the office, boring myself to death.. i have no idea whut to write right now (honestly i'm a bit lazy), but i dunnoe whut else to do.. i didn't even feel like writing cuz i noe without a topic, i'll just blabber non stop with no point whatsoever.. i'm soo sleepy, i think i'll go n take a nap =b

toodles

like the new layout?

Let It All Out.. Not

There's so much i wanted to say,
But I'm not sure where to begin,
I guess I'll start with that one fine day,
Where things changed and was never the same again,
I was young and foolish, I had this thrill I wanted to fullfil,
But I paid for it heavily, you made sure I received the bill,
Years passed and I've come to terms of what I did,
But I guess you'll never let that day hid,
Equality was wishful thinking, but it was something i thought we had,
I was wrong to think so which made me so damned sad,
I'm tried of going through the same thing over and over,
It kinda wears me down and sometimes I feel like such a sore loser,
My life is pathetic enough, please don't make it worse,
I've grown up now, so lift up this curse,
I'm sorry if I'm a big disappointment to you,
I did my best to make you proud,
I just wanted to live my way and do what I do,
I didn't mean to put you under a cloud,
I hoped the tears you cried were only tears of joy,
Unfortunately, it isn't so, they were tears that could destroy,
Destroy a wonderfull relationship that is yet to be mend,
A relationship that although is broken, yet one that will never end,
So i'll apologise upfront and say i'm sorry, though it's hard,
But this will be the last time i put down my guard..

###

completed on 29.11.2010

TBL Part 2

so currently, i'm in the process of cutting down the portion of food i eat as a mean to cut fats.. i've managed to reduce my breakfast consumption for about a week now, give and take.. so instead of taking big breakfast, i opt to only eat a few biscuits and a cup of coffee/milo...and i noe it ain't good to eat in between meal, but i'm eating cereals just to munch on so that come lunch, i wouldn't be too hungry.. i do take lunch n dinner which sumtimes, i eat rice twice, but i try to reduce the portion just to make sure that i eat enough but not too much... those who noes me might noe that i'm not really the type who really give a shit about my weight or how my body looks like.. well, mainly cuz growing up, i was skinny... n not cuz i dun eat that much, i think i eat normally, but maybe it's cuz of the gene my mum had that i inherit.. u see, once upon a time, i still fit in the outfit my mum wore when she was solemnised, n i think i was in high skool back then... so imagine how little my mum was when she was 26 (i think that's her age when she got married).. n now, a few years down the road, i couldn't really get myself to fit it anymore.. so that's how much i grow.. off course, i still wouldn't give a damn about it if it doesn't effect me in a sense that i have to get a new wardrobe.. i used to love buying jeans (although how many jeans can u really have right) so i think it's safe to say that i owe about 7 jeans once, that i could fit in all.. n now, i could only fit in 2, which one of them i barely fit... i feel like my tummy is bulging out i felt disgusted (cuz basically that's how i feel when i see really fat girls wearing tight tops) i'm not saying dat i dispise fat girls.. i never do.. it's just the way u choose to dress.. off course some may argue dat what i wear is none of ur business, well u made it my business by making me sick... ok ok i'm going way out of topic here... so yeah basically, i try to eat as much as i need to n not as much as i want to... but then again, i havn't been to labuan yet where the list of things to do consist mainly of eating... so perhaps that'll balance things out aight? hahahaha

on another note, this weekend is Mother's Day and my dad's side of the family are planning to celebrate it tomorrow at Concorde KLIA... so my mum might not join us cuz she has cls plus she sulking i think cuz whenever we asked our dad to eat outside, he's like "we need to save money' but as usual if it involves his family, he's the first one on the boat (n actually offer to pay for us).. i understand how she feels but i kinda got used to it, n well, it'll be good if she can join cuz whut's the purpose of celebrating mother's day if u're own mum would be there right... and contrary to whut happened last week, off course la i still love my mum.. we just sumtimes dun see eye to eye n i guess that's normal... at least we're still living together n are on talking terms... so my sisters n i thought of getting her a mp3 voice recorder so that she could record all her classes n re-listen to 'em.. my sister though of giving her a spa voucher but to me, i like to give things to ppl that i noe they'll need... i'm not saying that my sis idea sux.. i mean, it'll be nice for her to go n relax n all (although she ssems to be on Farmville 24/7) i think she'll do better with a voice recorder hahahha but it cost a lot, n she just made me forked out extra money to pay for my flight which i have been saving... but whutever.. lets just get pass that...

owh besides catching The Losers last Monday, we went to watch Iron Man 2 last night which was so-so... the least i could do for Mohsin...

My cousin is Awesome!!

lets just keep this to oursleves, but yes Mohsin is awesome hahaha he would say this hundreds of time, n i'll deny them, but really, he's a very cool guy.. he's annoyingly funny, n i tell him everything about me, (well, maybe almost everything).. whut's with this guy anyway? well, yesterday (as u may read below) was a crappy day for me.. i was crying in the office n i had no mood at all to work.. he was being himself off course, but did sumhow to calm me down.. not after my tantrum that is.. i told him whut happened n say how i dun wanna go home early n see my mum, so we decided to catch a movie along wif my sis.. as usual, i'll be checking on tix n time n since Iron Man 2 was new, all cinema was full.. so i told him, nvm we'll just cancel.. then a few mins later he suggested another movie.. so to keep this short, b4 the movie started (we watched The Losers), i asked him whut the movie was about n he said he didn't noe.. so i was like, "ape la plih citer tp xtau psl ape".. n he said, he simply picked a movie cuz sumone said she doesn't wanna go home hahaha see, didn't i told u he's awesome... yes mohsin, i appreciate whut u did.. thank you!!

teenagers scare the living shit out of me

so here's the deal, ppl say that the most exciting yet troublesome phases in life is when u're a teenager.. dat's the point in life where u wanna try everything right? u become a rebel n started to break rules.. gets this thrill when u don't get caught.. n thinks the world will end if u do.. found out a few months later that it's not such a big deal after all.. and sumtimes, it is a big deal.. sumtimes the decisions u make, is fatal.. n for some, like me, those are the times where the person u fear most, would u be ur parents.. n so that might be the thing that was on Aminulrasyid..his decision to flee the cops cost him his life.. it's tragic n in these circumstances, u need that person who u can blame for everthing, otherwise, whut's the point..so in this case, the police were condemned by mostly everyone for shooting a 15 year old boy.. off course, if u noe d rule, u're not supposed to shoot anyone who's unarmed, that's why in the movies, when a cop chases an unarmed bad guy in shooting distance, he opt to chase the guy until he got away (n i bet u were screaming, just shoot him already, will ya) so yeah, it was questioned why the cops open fire.. but lets see it from their view.. lets say for instance, instead of a 15 year old boy, the person behind the wheel was a murderer or a rapist, would the public be this sympathetic n outraged? have u watched the Dark Knight yet? if so, i'm sure u remember the scene right after harvey was admitted to the hospital where Joker was dressed as a nurse.. i can't recall the exact dialogue but basically what his point was that, kill 100 convict and the whole town cheers, kill 1 gud guy, n they all panic.. coming back to the topic, u're a cop.. someone drove pass u who off the speed limit at wee hours.. u signalled them to stop n they sped off.. so what were they supposed to think.. off course the guy must've done something wrong to refuse to stop.. n after giving chase, i'm sure they were more eager to nab this guy.. so shooting the tyres may be justified.. i mean that is one way to stop a car completely.. investigations are still undergoing, but it was said that about 20 shots were fired.. may be that was more than neccessary.. so that might be the biggest mistake the cops did.. but the one true mistake that started this all, was made by a teenager.. a normal, typical and foolish teenager..


you were out when people were having dreams, and some poor souls were blame of your mischeif - ZulMajid Krambit

i just can't live like this

i dunnoe where to start... everything is so fucked up right now i just can't stop crying... i bet everyone knows by now how much my mum dislikes my frens.. but seriously, it can't possibly be to this extent.. i knew when i got the green light it was too good to be true n i noe how cliche' dat sounds.. i'm just tired of all this, honestly... i mean i'm gonna be 24 this yr n it's getting kinda old don't ya think? at first, there was a lotta things that i just wanted to pour out here, but i dun see the point of doing so.. i already cried my eyes out twice n i dun think it's appropriate to do so in the office so i'm trying to relax myself n take it easy for a few hours..

***

but just to share this to u (i.e raf =b), here's basically whut happened.. as u noe, jue got engaged last year n i asked my parents (in particular, my mum) if i could go there over the weekend.. n as usual my mum was a bit hesitant about it n said i should go for her wedding instead... so the truth is that jue actually baught tix for a bunch of us (me, kin, ceah n wan) which cost her 60 (murah gler kn) n it was due on th 27th may till one week.. so this has been quite a routine (twice) now where tix are baught n figers are crossed in the hope of one day, i finally get to go there... i wouldn't be all offended n all if it was the first time this was to haapen.. unfortunately it wasn't... kin went to labuan while i was still studying, so i had to pass that trip.. den i was thinking dat maybe after i finish study, n taking a break from college in between phases, i might really get a chance to go.. but no... and that's one thing... whut made things worse was that my cousin invited me to join her to australia since i finished studying.. n having to live in this family for 23 yrs (then) i knew there was no chance of going... so i asked my dad, rather relunctantly if i could go.. n being it australia, plus me not working, equals to him forking out money so he said, xpyh la pegi.. so i took it as it is.. a no n it would be ok if it stopped there.. but no my lil sister had to open her mouth n say how australia was her place n how she was supposed to go there 3 yrs a go but canceled cuz her fren canceled which is actually the main reason why i went to labuan that year.. so she said, if i were to go, she have to come wif me.. n i told her, papa said no... but then being her, the baby of the family, my dad actually considered this (as if dat was enuff justification to it) n i was dumbfounded.. here i am, relaxing at home, taking my time to chill for a few months, denied the permission to go, n there's my sister being a brat n having classes (mind u) actually having the permission to go... n everytime i braught this up, she would say, well if it wasn't for me, inaz pn xgi.. true but ouch... i mean i dun usually suffer from middle child syndrome or whutever they call it, but u can't help but wonder why right? so that was on my dad's side (which doesn't really have to do with labuan), so when my dad was willing to pay n all, we had to asked my mum.. n we all pretty much sure know whut happen.. so, i was excited to go to australia n the only ppl i wanted to tell was off course my frens but i couldn't... i mean how does look like to u... if i can't even go on a 2hrs flight to labuan, why could i go on an 8hrs flight to australia.. exactly..

so dat's one case, then there was jue's engagement... i just started working at ME n it was the same thing... her reason was that i should go to her wedding instead.. it kinda sux but lets just say i kinda got used to it... so the tix jue baught was still available.. so i'm not sure when but sumhow some kids way back in elementary skool decided to have a reunion in may.. honestly, i dun really give a fuck about it cuz i gave up on ppl a long time a go (hence y i'm a loner).. but last month, as may was approaching, i thought i really wanna go this time.. so i was thinking bout telling my mum that i was going of on a vacation with some of my collegues... but after a few conversations with jue, we'd thought maybe i should tell her the truth n say i was going to the reunion instead.. so the actual reunion would be on the 31st i think ( who the hell chose that date??) but i'd told my mum it'll be on the 29th instead.. so i immediately bought a one way tix back on th 30th n hoped dat things will change for once.. so last sunday we were on our way to a cls when suddenly my mum asked how many child that maznah (a girl from high skool) has.. i said i didn't noe, den my sis mentioned dat her fren already got married.. which was her bff in labuan.. so i just braught up that there will be a reunion n my mum asked if i was going n i perli la"blh ke" den i dun noe whether my sis said "mcm best je gi" or my mum asked " izad nk gi ker"... i really dunnoe which came first but a straight no was already a slim hope for me..den one thing lead to another n both my sisters decided that they too wanna go to labuan!! yeay!! (sarcastic) at first, i was like "whut the hell just happened here?" but then if they were going, there's no way my mum would back out of her words right? well sorta.. so we bought tix last nite n it was confirmed that they are going.. so when my mum got back, n while i was watching football, i just told my mum that we're all going n she asked when.. n so i said, they're going on 28th, i'm going on 27th n she asked why r u guyz going on different days... so i said jue already bought me the tix (i had a whole story planned out to back this up) but she just kept quiet.. but i knew then that it wasn't over.. so i bbm-ed my cousin n he knew how worked up i'll get about this so i wasn't really feeling it so i creid a lil n went to bed... then this morning i got a test from my sister saying that my mum asked me to cancel jue's tix n go on the same flight with them plak... n like i said there's just so much i wanna say but it's tiring... so bottomline, i got my tix on 28th, n i'll be going with them then...eventually, this too shall pass i just dunnoe when..


Blueberry, Mawilla, ayam n air kelapa @ pohon batu, nasi lemak Delihan, abc special n nasi goreng kampung medan selera...... i hope u"re still there... n not forgetting, Jue